we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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