you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
