My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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