just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i need some magic done to my vagina
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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