i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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