You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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