my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
