What did we do last night that was yellow?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
