Sry I called you an 8
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
