do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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