you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
