i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
