Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
