I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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