This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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