I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
