umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
