A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
