Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
