When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
