she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
