Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
