I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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