hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
