i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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