If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She told me I should be a condom model.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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