she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
