lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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