yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
