neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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