I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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