help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
