it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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