my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
