Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
