We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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