In America we eat man semen.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
