she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
