My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
be right there i have to get my cape
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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