4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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