I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
