actually, I'm a sock model
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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