I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
