Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
