Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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