Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
