I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
