with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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