Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
