drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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