I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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