Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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