you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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