true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
