you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize