Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
