i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
