I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
