Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
