i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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