Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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