I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
