she looked like the bat from fern gully.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
