i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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