I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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