in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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