fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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